


The Last Edits

by lirin



Category: Two Minute Mysteries - Donald J. Sobol
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 01:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4727855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lirin/pseuds/lirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From Donald Sobol’s hidden files: the stories Dr. Haledjian didn’t want you to read! Find out why Dr. Haledjian insisted that “The Case of the Worldly Nun” never see the light of day. Learn how “The Case of the Bitter Drink” <i>really</i> ended. And discover what happened when Octavia heard “One Crime Story Too Many”.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A letter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seekingferret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekingferret/gifts).



_My dear Mr. Sobol:_

_Thank you for giving me the opportunity to preview your manuscript. For the most part, I find that it portrays me in an acceptably positive light, and I am prepared for these stories of my (admittedly eventful) life to be published. However, there are two caveats which I must insist upon._

_The first is that I do not wish your readers to know I am a real person. I have a successful practice as a doctor, and so far have managed to prevent my reputation being damaged by the number of murders for which I have been present. To aid in this, perhaps you could call me “Smith” or “Dr. Jones” or some other, innocuous pseudonym._

_Secondly, there were a few stories which I find problematic. I have attached the specific stories I have in mind, along with my comments. I am sure you will find your way clear to their removal._

_Yours sincerely,_

_H. A. Haledjian, M.D., M.A., F.A.C.S._


	2. The Case of the Worldly Nun

Dr. Haledjian was shopping for groceries when shots were fired.

“This is a holdup!” someone yelled. “Everybody get down on the floor!”

Haledjian and the other shoppers—a nun and two nurses—complied. Two minutes later, when the noise had died down, they decided the robbers were gone and it was safe to get up. They could hear sirens in the distance; one of the grocers must have called the police already.

While the three women started to chatter nervously, Haledjian observed them closely. All three women had shoulder-length hair and were wearing light makeup, as well as clothing appropriate for their roles (which was how he had known what they were in the first place).

When the police came in, Haledjian immediately pulled the sergeant to the side. “The nun is an imposter in league with the robbers,” he said. “I can tell because she’s wearing makeup.” He chuckled slightly. “Actually, it’s not even the first time I’ve run into an imposter nun.”

The sergeant immediately arrested the nun, while Haledjian picked up his basket (which contained some uncooked steaks, a loaf of bread, and three cans of beans) and checked out. Distracted by the incident, he wasn’t even bothered by the fact that the clerk put all his groceries in one bag with the bread on the bottom and the beans on top.

That evening, the sergeant phoned him, extremely irritated. “The nun is innocent,” he said. “Her name is Sister Bridget and she was very embarrassed to have her entire cloister learn why she was arrested. Apparently she gets terribly dry skin and had been given permission to wear makeup to help remedy that, as long as it was very discreet and not obvious. Being arrested wasn’t discreet.

“Oh, and we arrested the shop clerk. It turns out he was actually the robbers’ accomplice. He got himself hired at the grocery store last week so that he could find out when the cash register would be the fullest.”

_What clue did Dr. Haledjian miss?_

Highlight to read:  No grocery clerk worth their salt would put raw meat in with other groceries or put bread under cans where it could be smashed!

_You can keep the other nun-wearing-lipstick story, but cut this one. It makes me look bad. —H_


	3. Ending of The Case of the Bitter Drink

_The following was torn off from the end of “The Case of the Bitter Drink”, in which American tourists have the opportunity to observe a Mexican youth’s “initiation into manhood”. After a forty-mile run, the young man is given ice and a massage and then must drink a bitter potion without changing expression. The Americans, having tasted the evil brew, make large bets against the young man’s success._

“You and the villagers have a neat con game here,” Haledjian told the guide. “But I advise you to refund all bets, or I shall notify the district police!”

“They lost fair and square,” the guide replied. “None of Arturo’s activities were hidden from our guests; he has been right here in front of them the entire time.”

“But the ice dulled his taste buds,” Haledjian said. “You cheated.”

“Go ahead and report it...if you enjoy being laughed out of police stations,” came the response. “Everybody saw that Arturo got ice first and then the drink. Your friends could have tasted the ice as well as the drink if they had wanted to. If they’re a bunch of _tontos_ , it’s not my fault.”

_Leave out the argument with the guide and end the story with my threat to notify the police. I should have taken his advice and skipped making the report. “Tonto” was about the mildest thing they called me. —H_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The second paragraph is taken from page 14 of _Two-Minute Mysteries_.)


	4. The Case of the One Crime Story Too Many

Dr. Haledjian and Octavia were seated at a small table in the dark restaurant, only a flickering candle on the table between them. Blue-eyed, black-haired Octavia looked at her menu, biting her lip. Every time one of the nearby diners moved, she glanced at Dr. Haledjian. Perhaps she was wondering why he had not yet been reminded of a crime story. But as he remained silent, she returned her attention to her menu, although she still tugged absently at the royal purple chiffon scarf that ornamented her charcoal evening gown. Satisfied at last with the scarf’s position, she touched the pastel pink flower that was her hair’s sole ornament, then returned her hands to her menu. She turned a page. Dr. Haledjian still did not speak.

At last, the waiter arrived at their table. “Bonsoir, Madame, Monsieur,” he said. “Are you ready to order?”

“Certainly,” Octavia said hastily. “I would like the Salad Niçoise.”

“Oui, Mada—”

“Ah, that brings to mind the case of Simon Devine and the double-bolted room murder,” Dr. Haledjian said genially. “Care to hear about it?”

“No!” Octavia said. “I’m hungry. And I don’t care to hear about it, but you aren’t going to listen to me when I say so, just like you don’t listen to me about anything else!” By this point she was almost yelling. “When do you ever listen to me? You never want to know about what I’m interested in, or hear random stories that _I_ recall. You don’t know what my favorite color is or how many siblings I have.” She stood up from the table and glared down at him, all five feet, seven inches of her in magenta stilettos. “Do you even remember what my last name is?” she screamed.

“Err...it began with a V,” Haledjian began. “Give me a moment…”

But Octavia would not give him a moment. Rather, she promptly shoved the table as hard as she could, dumping it, candle and all, in his lap. “On second thought, I don’t want the Salad Niçoise after all,” she said to the waiter, and stalked out of the restaurant.

“Your favorite color is pink!” Haledjian yelled after her, as he stomped out the flaming tablecloth.

_How did Haledjian figure out Octavia’s favorite color?_

Highlight to read:  Octavia is obviously a Winter, and all of her clothing fits this color palette except for the pastel hair ornament, so she must have some other reason for wearing it.

_Leave this out. Where did you get this story, anyway? Have you been talking to Octavia? Do you have her phone number? Can you please tell her I’m sorry?_


End file.
